wit and Wisdom
I preface the following with the acknowledgement
that one of my pet peeves is when people take the written word for granted. I
love language, and when I see it mutilated and mangled, painfully crying out to
be deleted from the page, there is an overwhelming need for a red felt tip pen
that takes over my very being...
My friend Scott, who knows me very well, sent me this list
of things found in Church Bulletins across the country. I hope you find it as
amusing as I, and get the lesson. Slow down and pay attention, and when those
inevitable errors do occur, do be able to laugh at yourself.
the Bulletin Said...
1) Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and
other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
2) The outreach committee has enlisted 25
visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.
3) The Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday
morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the
B.S. is done.
4) Evening massage - 6 p.m.
5) The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies
of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake
breakfast next Sunday morning.
6) The audience is asked to remain seated until
the end of the recession.
7) Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet
Thursday at 7 to 8:30 pm. Please use the back door.
8) Ushers will eat latecomers.
9) The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be
sung without musical accomplishment.
10) For those of you who have children and don't
know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
11) The Rev. Merriwether spoke briefly, much to
the delight of the audience.
12) The pastor will preach his farewell message,
after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."
13) During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed
the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our
14) Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for
the morning service. The pastor will then speak on "It's a Terrible
15) Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's
healing services will be discontinued until further notice.
16) Stewardship Offertory: "Jesus Paid It
17) The music for today's service was all
composed by George Friedrich Handel in celebration of the 300th anniversary of
18) Remember in prayer the many who are sick of
our church and community.
19) The eighth-graders will be presenting
Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation
is invited to attend this tragedy.
20) The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a
great success. Special thanks are due to the minister's daughter, who labored
the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell upon her.
21) 22 members were present at the church meeting
held at the home of Mrs. Marsha Crutchfield last evening. Mrs. Crutchfield and
Mrs. Rankin sang a duet, The Lord Knows Why.
22) A song fest was hell at the Methodist church
23) Today's Sermon: HOW MUCH CAN A MAN DRINK?
with hymns from a full choir.
24) Hymn 43: "Great God, what do I see
here?" Preacher: The Rev. Horace Blodgett Hymn 47: "Hark! an awful
voice is sounding"
25) On a church bulletin during the minister's
illness: GOD IS GOOD. Dr. Hargreaves is better.
26) Potluck supper: prayer and medication to
27) Don't let worry kill you off - let the church
28) The 1997 Spring Council Retreat will be hell
May 10 and 11.
29) Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given
to church secretary...
30) 8 new choir robes are currently needed, due
to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older
31) The choir invites any member of the
congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.
32) Please join us as we show our support for Amy
and Alan in preparing for the girth of their first child.
33) Weight Watchers will meet at 7 pm. Please use
large double door at the side entrance.
There are a few topics on which I would love to hear your opinion. Stop here, and tell your truth. Respond to what is online, or add a new question. Let the thoughts flow....
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